burn my lungs and curse my eyes

im ciarán im 18 & asexual
please dont reblog anything on this blog

super cross im going to listen to patd and hopefully sleep

posted something on my main tagged as “dont reblog” it got reblogged anyway I knew this would happen and that was my folly

been out as trans for almost two years
been out as asexual for about five years

I know it sounds really cliche to say but im sick of adults telling me that it’s just a phase I’ve never felt more comfortable with my identity in my life

the name katie just leaves such a sour taste in my mouth now whenever I meet someone named katie I just have this involuntary feeling of disgust and it’s like they could be a nice person but I just can’t get over that name

two of my irl cis friends keep saying casual cissexist shit in front of me and its so :///////////

Nothing makes me more happy than people finding out my birth name is “katie” and they say “Ciarán suits you much better you aren’t a katie at all”

my entire sexual/romantic orientation is confusing like

I’m definitely asexual but if i was in a relationship with someone sexual id do it with them so they can do it and I’m not really attracted to females romantically but i wouldn’t count it out as a possibility but im really more inclined towards men and nb people and I’m worried that it’s some kind of internalized misogyny but it could also be my history of sexual abuse/harassment by females it’s confusing life is confusing

i could be on t for while and have facial hair and huge muscles but my family would still call me “katie” and refer to me as “she/her”

didn’t get that much sleep ibs is kicking my ass i can barely get out of bed why does it hurt so much

i want to live somewhere cold and snowy so I can wear gloves all the time to cover up my scarred up fingers and forearms #biting #selfharm